It is now June 2008. I wrote that sentence with much reflection as June is the month my late husband, Darren was born…June 25, 1969. He would be 39 years old this month if he were still with us. 39 years old! It seems so young, and yet, to me and the boys it is a gauge of how long it’s been since he passed; nearly seven years. And what is even a more surreal thought is that in our mind’s eye, Darren will never grow older than 32. He will never ‘age gracefully’ or develop those ‘character lines’ and wrinkles that we all inevitably find plastered on our face one morning, wondering how in the heck did time fly by us so quickly. He will remain 32 forever.
And with all things, time continues to tick away and life does go on. In my case, I am happy to write that after many years of reflection and nurturing and self growth, I have learned to love again. I have met a wonderful man who has opened up his arms as wide as they can stretch to hold my boys and me, to give us love and security and laughter again. He has filled our home with ‘man energy’ again…something that I thought I could easily live without, but didn’t realize how much I missed until he arrived. And in true life-goes-on fashion, we added even more ‘energy’ to our lives with the arrival of our baby boy, Jesse, on June 18, 2007 (That brings the total to FOUR BOYS in the family). I was a ball of mixed emotions when I found out I was pregnant last year. What will this do to mine and Darren’s boys? Will they think I don’t love them anymore? Have I destroyed our solid ‘family unit’ that I always tried so hard to nurture and maintain? Will they accept this new life into our family? Have I betrayed Darren? The answers came to me when I went to my first pre-natal doctor’s appointment with John-Jay. It was there that we learned the due date for our unborn child was June 25, 2007. June 25th! Darren’s birth date (Coincidentally, it also happens to be the birth date of John-Jay’s dad). Now, I‘m not one to get overly superstitious about ‘signs’ that appear in our life, but I do have to say that it felt very validating to know that Darren’s energy was still present.
(John Jay introducing the boys to their new brother Jesse)
Life truly does go on… no minute can be repeated or tucked away to use at a later time. But, there is comfort in knowing life sustains itself in memories and significant dates and events, only needing a quick thought to reflect on the past. Happy birthday to you, Darren…